The Bredlow Family Blog

Yeah, we really are this crazy.

Today I showered with Tom August 20, 2010

Filed under: My Life as an Army Wife,The Boys — bredlowfamily @ 11:59 pm
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Have my kids been in rare form lately or what?  I got down on my knees and begged the drug fairy to secretly slip me some of the good stuff – but that never happened.  Of course, I am already on the good stuff so perhaps I need to ask for something even better….but what is there?!  I also begged and pleaded for that 45 minute kick in period on Tyler’s medication to just go away…no luck there either.  I need the number to the drug complaint department…

No bother, I can deal.  I am 100% totally and certifiably able to cope with this for at most another week and a half.  At that point two of the three running, screaming, streaking, obnoxious, out of control, devilishly handsome young men return to school.  Number three returns the week after his big brothers start.  Thank God for first days’ of school.  Seriously, I thank God for that.  You know, I did threaten to enroll them in the Japanese public school yesterday.  They start school in April and go to school Monday through Saturday with a short break in the spring and fall and only a one month break in summer.  Now that is what I’m talking about.  Not to mention they are in school until after five o’clock, and they start about 0830.  That is a parents dream I tell you.  Fortunately for my kiddos, and unfortunately for me, they go to a Department of Defense school on base.  Which translates to a normal U.S. school day and year.  Bummer.

The light at the end of the summer vacation tunnel is getting brighter as each day passes.  It is so bright now I can almost feel it….

Today I took the boys into town because we needed to find some lubricant for the dog clippers.  Trooper was in desperate need of a shave, but without the lubricant our clippers would get too hot and either burn him or burn out and we really don’t want either of those things to happen.  I had to run to the post office to drop a few things in the mail, and since we were already out I decided to venture out in search of the coveted clipper lubricant and cooling spray.  On our way there we passed some really pretty beach views.  Just past one of these amazing views of the East China Sea we saw a lady walking down the sidewalk.  Harmless right?  Just a lady walking down the sidewalk in Japan…then I hear Tyler screaming.  Not freaking out screaming like he’s getting hurt or he’s panicked, or he’s scared.  This was the kind of screaming that eleven year old boys muster up when they are experiencing unbelievable shock and awe.  Those moments when you rub your eyes and pinch  your arm and ask that famous question “is this for real?”  Yeah, it was that kind of giddy, over the top and out of control screaming that I had the not so wonderful pleasure of sitting through.  He is loud. Really loud.  And I’m sure the entire town could hear him because my car has a canvas roof.  A really thin canvas roof.  Did I mention he is loud?

Tyler screams: “I can see her butt!!!  I can see her butt!!  She’s not wearing any pants mom!!  Look at her butt!! MOM!!  Look at her, she doesn’t have any underwear on?!  I can see her butt.  Do you see her butt?  Trey look at her (pointing really obviously now), do you see her butt?!  Mom did you see her, look at her butt mom!”

Yep, harmless.  Turns out you could see her butt, or gluteus maximus – because she was not sporting a gluteus minimus at all!  The boys got their first lesson in thongs and string bikinis today.  That was a fun conversation with three overly engaged and giggly boys who just saw a woman’s butt up close and personal.  Yes they were staring.  And pointing.  And laughing extremely loudly while I was trying to drive.

I was going to take a picture of her for the blog but the light turned green and I really couldn’t sit there and block traffic while I tried to locate my camera.  I would have done it had there not been anyone behind me.  (he he he…behind!)

Good times.

Earlier in the day I was in my office scanning files for work when Trygg came running in.  He had this look on his face like he’d just had some sort of realization that was going to change our lives forever.  I imagine it’s the same look the prophets used to have when God appeared to them.  So maybe it’s not quite that look, but the way he was huffing and puffing from running to tell me this astonishing bit of information he’d just uncovered at the mighty age of four made it seem that important to him.

Prior to this point he was in his room ‘reading’ books.

“MOM” he screams as he lands less than three inches from my face.  Well within earshot and where a whisper would have been the appropriate decibel level for communication.  He takes a few labored breathes, I’m sure it was hard work putting his book down and running out his door, two steps to the left, and into my office where I was sitting just paces from the door, just to share his vision.  “MOM” he panted loudly. “We have got to get an anteater.  They eat ants and we need one to eat the ants in our front yard.”  He blurted out without pausing to take a breath, or to see if I was even listening to him.  Although he was close enough I probably could have heard him think.

I looked up at him and calmly said, ” I’ll stop by the store later today and see if I can pick one up.  An anteater right?!”

“Yes!  In my book I saw them and they eat ants.  We have ants in our yard so we need to get an anteater so he’ll eat the ants for us.” He blurted out so matter-of-factly he could have passed for an anteater expert.

“Alrighty then (think Ace Ventura, Pet Detective voice here), we’ll get an anteater.” I said.  I was assuming he’d forget all about it and life would drive on as it usually does around our house.  Which is generally anything but normally.  🙂

Now that I think about it this story should have come before the last one, but moving it would just be a pain in the butt so I’ll leave it here.  No pun intended…or was it?!  No bother, it’s behind us now.

After I agreed to purchase said anteater for the sole purpose of ant extermination from the front yard of our primary residence, Trygg gave me a big hug and joyfully skipped back to his room.  Thank goodness that is over.

Later in the day we were out and about, actually we were all sitting on our keisters in my car watching a rather large lady parade her hindquarters down the street, which led to the conversation previously mentioned in this blog about derriere’s, when that pesky anteater came back up.  Darn that kid and his memory.

After I regained control in the car, by threatening to smack each of their stink pots if they didn’t calm down already, I proceeded towards our last stop before heading home – Pet Box.  This is a store where they sell all sorts of things related to, and including, pets.  Things grew eerily quiet in the car (I suspect they were each still thinking about the piece of arse they just saw) when Trygg blurts out: “We’re getting an anteater at Pet Box.”

Tyler turned and looked at him like he had a butt growing out of his forehead.  “An anteater?” he asked while raising his eyebrows up and giving Trygg a look of total confusion and shock.

“Yeah.  I saw one in my book and they eat ants and we have ants in our front yard.  I saw them when I was helping mom plant flowers.  Mom said she’d get me an anteater today so it could live in our front yard and eat all the ants.  I don’t like ants and my anteater will eat them all.  We are getting one at Pet Box.” Trygg replied, again without breathing.  I’m beginning to wonder how  he can do that so often.

“Crap.” is what I was thinking.  I know full well they don’t sell anteaters in pet stores and I know that we are not buying one today or any other day for that matter.  So….like every good parent I looked for the diversion.

“Hey wasn’t it funny seeing that lady’s butt?”  Oh Lord help me, I just got them back on track and here I go tipping them over the edge again.  I am going to go to Hell for this….

Anteater purchasing diverted.  Although, while in Pet Box they saw some crazy cute puppies and the folks working there took them out and let the kids hold them and play with them. Not a chance we are getting another dog either.  We are at our pet limit in government housing.  Yeah for convenient excuses!  Anyway, the boys walk up to me after falling in love with a dalmatian puppy.  “Mom can we get him? P-lllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee???” They somehow managed to whine in unison.  “Nope, not a chance.” I said.  “For your information you daddy and I had one once.” Now they were looking at me with disgust and jealously.  Like, how dare I have one and not let them get one.  So I continued, “Yeah, we had it for about a week.  That was the worst dog I have ever owned.  After putting up with it for a week we gave it back.  I will never buy a dalmatian again.  Besides, we can’t have more pets.  It’s against the rules on post.”

Upon hearing that Tyler says, “Well, we can get rid of Rosco.”  What did that kid just say?!  Those are fightin’ words kid.  Nobody takes my cat away from me.  “Um, no we won’t.  I’ve had Rosco longer than I’ve had each of  you.  Which one of you should I get rid of instead?” I said.  “But mom, this puppy is so cute and he’s black and white, just like Trooper is.” whined Trygg the dog freak.

Another conversation diversion is in order and talking about that lady and her totally aired out and tan hiney aren’t going to work in the middle of a store…..”Hey, do you guys want to go home and hunt for lizards?”

I should have known it was going to be one of those days from the moment I stepped into the shower.  I first noticed him staring while I was toweling off.  Quite frankly, I have no idea how I hadn’t seen him sooner or how long he’d been sitting there for that matter.  But low and behold there was a lizard on top of the soap dish in the shower.  “Well hello there Tom.” I said.  I named him Tom because it’s short for ‘peeping Tom,’ which is what it looked like he was doing.  No bother though.  I just ignored him and finished drying off.  He scurried up the tile wall as I was getting out.  I have no idea where he is now.

Yep. That should have been my first indicator, butt I missed it. 😉

I took this picture in Pet Box, funny how it fits right in with my day.

That's how you groom a dog? I had always wondered. You must where a too tight, too short t-shirt and matching bikini underwear while letting your gut hang out. Then, brush or clip your dog's hair while shaking your butt. When you are done, do a funky dance with your dog and cat. Make sure to shake your butt. It's as easy as these four simple steps.


3 Responses to “Today I showered with Tom”

  1. Dad Says:

    Heidi, I love to ready your blog as you are so good at writing them. It must have been a great site on the beach, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there. How much to anteaters cost over there anyway. Love DAD


  2. Mom Says:

    Did you ever find the dog clipper lubricant? I’m glad you couldn’t bring BUTTercup over! XOXOXO


  3. Cori Says:

    You know, Sampson & Dahlila (spelling on the names) were Great Dane Dalmatian dogs if I recall 🙂 So technically, you can still get a dalmatian! I won’t tell the boys 🙂

    Secondly – diversion question – who wants to go home and create a “crazy” game of Okinawa Bingo! Old Lady walking on beach without pants – CHECK!
    It’d actually be a fun game with the crazy stuff you’ve seen! You can complete it with pictures 🙂 Maybe you should make it and send it home (pictures included) for Christmas to Gma/Gpa 🙂 Hahaha


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