Sadly, when I wrote our Christmas letter I spoke too soon. All I said was that I hoped there were no more cockroaches…is that too much to ask for?! Apparently it is. Read on if you dare, but consider yourself warned….
Let me set the scene….It was Sunday morning and the boys were arguing over the Wii. Seriously, I woke up to the angry screams of one child proclaiming loud enough for the entire block to hear “TRYGG, YOU IDIOT!!!” Now, the fact that I heard that through the concrete walls is amazing. What’s even more amazing is that I was in bed asleep…on the opposite end of the house! Somehow the acoustics in the house are such that the family room is clearly audible from one corner of our room. It just so happens to be the one I sleep in (don’t tell the kids). There is nothing like waking up to the sweet cries of your children. It’s like waking up to birds happily chirping in the warm morning sunshine. Or in my case, it’s like waking up to the sounds of a hawk tearing apart a cute little kitten as it frantically cries out for help while it is mercilessly devoured for breakfast. Oh yeah, it is going to be a great day – I can tell already!
After a few fun-filled words with the boys I had things back on track (and I never got out of bed – it takes serious talent to be that good). Tyler was once again slaving away over homework and Trygg was back to pretending he was a dog while Trey was racked out in his room totally oblivious to what was going on around him. Things were once again harmonious in the universe; the stars were aligned and the planet was back on its orbital path.
Agh, peace! That is…until…that fateful moment…dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnn…….
Yes fellow bloggers, I decided to jump into the shower. A seemingly mindless task, I mean, I do it every day (sometimes twice). I turned the hot water on and let it run. This has to be done in order for it to actually produce hot water. So while the shower was just running, wasting perfectly good ice-cold water I decided to brush my teeth. While brushing I heard the familiar sound of gurgling water….”what on earth?!” I thought. I checked under the sink first to make sure we hadn’t sprung a leak. All systems were a go under there.
“Oh boy” I thought as I cautiously pulled the shower curtain back. I recognized that sound and nothing good ever followed it. Hmm…everything looked alright in there. The water was draining and that meant one thing…..I had to check the toilet….I was asking myself again “Self, why are the shower and toilet drains connected….I am so scared to lift that lid because I know what is going to happen next!” But you know curiosity killed the cat and darn it…I was curious. That noise had to be stopped. I lifted the lid on the toilet and lo and behold I found the culprit. Yep, it was the toilet gurgling AGAIN!! On a positive note, we had gone a month or so without a problem. Now I know full well that if the toilet is gurgling while the shower is on that I should NOT flush the toilet because if I do (and at that moment I flushed the toilet…stupid, stupid, stupid)…..
“Bruce!!! Come here!” I shouted. I didn’t need to shout, he was in the bed reading a book not more than ten feet away from me. I shouted anyway. I think it was more for dramatic effect than anything else..but it worked because he put the book down to appease my cries for mercy (or something like that). So he strolls into the bathroom slightly annoyed with me for disrupting him (the book is good I’m told) as I point out the gurgling toilet. As I am about to point out that it is backing up into the shower and tell him NOT to flush the toilet because that will cause a major back up of the system…he flushes the toilet.
We both stand there dumbfounded at the whole scene. I’m in a towel (I was brushing my teeth and about to get in the shower, remember?!) with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth, the toilet is overflowing, the shower is overflowing, we’re both barefoot in a 3’x3′ tiny bathroom as the water is rising all around us. I bend over to grab the pile of dirty clothes off the floor before the nasty water encroaches up on them when Bruce says “Hey, it’s coming up the floor drain too!”
I toss the clothes out of the bathroom and spin around to look at the floor drain. It’s not really a drain since it is a solid capped one, but in the event of a water problem the top can be quickly removed and the floor drain accessed. Anyway, water is coming up from that too; and it was still capped. Man I love this bathroom!
Bruce leans down to move the garbage can away from the floor drain and the rapidly rising water when BAM it happens. Oh my gosh….holy crap…dear Jesus what the hell just happened?!?!
I think we witnessed the apocalypse …and it wasn’t pretty, not at all. It was a cockroach explosion, cockroachageddon was upon us. It was like we were in Yellowstone watching Old Faithful gush forth in front of us, minus that whole ooh and aaaaaah thing. We were experiencing a few different words at the moment, none really internet and/or family friendly. It was like a volcano had erupted out of the floor and instead of spewing masses of hot lava into the air and the surrounding areas it spit forth a multitude of cockroaches in varying sizes and speeds. I wanted to vomit.
Thank God Bruce was standing straddled over the drain (in his bare feet) because if it had been me I’d be permanently attached to the ceiling. That is, until one of the nasty critters crawled up to say hi.
I was frantically trying to get the hell out of the bathroom without stepping on anything. It was like an obstacle course. I had a small window of opportunity to escape and it was closing fast. I had to leap over Bruce in a single bound without losing my towel because the curtains were open and I needed to use it anyway when I was done showering (in the other bathroom), all while avoiding the raging river of backed up plumbing and newly freed and highly motivated cockroaches.
Time stood still.
Bruce was like a machine. He still had the garbage can in his hands and he was smashing cockroaches with it like he was playing a high-speed game of Whack-a-Mole. And he was winning. There were at least 20 cockroaches that spewed up from that drain before he could get the lid back on it and they were all alive and in no mood to be squished. In case you are wondering, these nasty critters can withstand a nuclear explosion but they are no match for a small blue plastic garbage can and one surprised, disgusted, well rested, and motivated cockroach killing machine.
So…after splashing through a few rounds of whack-a-mole in the bathroom we put in a call to maintenance. Yep….this is the third or fourth time they’ve had to come out on a weekend or holiday because of this backup. Albeit this is the first time we’ve had the pleasure of providing them with a little dead cockroach surprise. As always, they came out within an hour of us calling….and were here for several hours.
Being as they didn’t speak any English I can only assume that the smile and nod as they walked out meant they were done. That and they had pretty much cleaned up most of the water and pulled away from the house, but not before I saw the bag. Yeah, they left with a clear plastic garbage bag full of used paper towels and such. I’m sure it was what they used to soak up the water from the floor. However; the bottom of that bag was full of something brown and nasty. Could it be? Was it really? It looked like the bottom of that bag was full of cockroaches!?!?!
I sterilized the bathroom again tonight and threw out all of the towels and rugs that were in there. Yeah, tomorrow I’ll be buying a new shower curtain, bath mat, towels, plunger, toilet brush, etc. Some things aren’t worth sterilizing. And you better believe I’m calling Entomology.
The boys were afraid to take their shoes off this afternoon, and Trey was afraid to go to bed tonight..curse you crazy cockroaches!!
Boy, I sure hope 2011 has something else in store for us than more of this nonsense.