The Bredlow Family Blog

Yeah, we really are this crazy.

No Blood + No Broken Bones = No Problem! January 11, 2011

Filed under: The Boys — bredlowfamily @ 10:28 pm
Tags: ,

I’m not sure if it’s the weather or something in the water, but my kids have been ueber bratty as of late.  I try to look past it and convince myself that “boys will be boys.”  The bottom line is this: I don’t want my boys being brats and I know that if a behavior is deemed as alright at home than in their eyes, it is clearly alright in public; which blows the door off the vault of normalcy as unlimited potential for public humiliation explodes forth.

Sure, there are a ton of excuses as to why they might be acting this or that way; and all of them are, well, excuses.  On a side note, one of the really cute brats just came up in tears to give me a big kiss.  That’s all fine and dandy but what you didn’t have the pleasure of witnessing was him making out with the dog en route to me.  Agh, pure nastiness.  Of course, the snot and tears didn’t add anything to the moment either.  Blech!

Ok, this isn’t going to be a rant about how crazy the kids have been acting lately, Lord knows I have enough material on that to write a novel.  Instead this is a small snapshot, a window in time, into what it is like mid-fight/play time amongst three boys at my house.

I’m sitting on the couch in the family room trying to prepare my thoughts on what I was going to say and/or do when I introduced a Bible study in the morning.  In hindsight, I never looked at my notes.  I let God speak through me (but I had to be prepared you know, in case he was busy working on someone else or something…..) and all went remarkably well.

Ok, back to the couch.  I was sitting so that my back was to the hallway and the rest of the house (aka, the bedrooms).   The boys had been doing this love-hate type of play thing all afternoon.  One minute they are the best of friends and the next minute total enemies.  I made a conscious decision to pause from what I was doing and just listen to the words they were saying, screaming, moaning, whispering, laughing, crying, and spouting out; I mean seriously, how productive am I going to be when they are running through the room screaming and shooting at each other while I duck with such finesse you’d think it was a well thought out and rehearsed movement in order to dodge Nerf bullets?

I grabbed the fluorescent yellow post-it note pad I had and jotted down a few of the things I heard.  I wrote them down as I heard them, paying no attention to who said them or to the context they were being said in.  Keep in mind I couldn’t see what they were doing, I could only hear them.   Now, I generally don’t like it when they run screaming and yelling in the house and I’ll put an end to it right away.  This time was different though and despite an overwhelming urge to go smack them all upside the head, I withheld.  I stayed put; butt planted squarely on the couch and I just listened.  I should mention, this is on the same day I had to yell at the neighbor kids because they were playing on my roof…you know, the one you have to climb up the side of my house to get to.  I should have known then it was going to be one of those kinds of days.

So here we go, a black and white still picture panning about two or three minutes of time in my house.  I guess that’d make it a panoramic picture…

(General screaming and yelling going on in the background.  The kind you’d associate with an angry pack of wolves running down the hallway of your home while chasing your children as they scream bloody murder while frantically trying to get out of harms way…only louder.)

“Don’t point that at me!”

“You idiot!”

“I said put the gun away.”

“Don’t scream like a girl!”

“Are you deaf?”

“Ouch, my nuts!”

(laughing) “And that’s how you do it!”

“You shot me in the nuts!”

“I’ll cut you with my sword.”

“Are you okay missy?” (there are no girls here so this is all sarcasm..)

“You wanna piece of me?”

“I’m ready to fight.”

“Come in here and your dead!”

(long pause)…”Oh!!  That was in here!”

(crying now) “I’m not playing!”

“I threw it in the bathroom.”

“That’s fine, this is my la la land.”

“But it’s a train wreck.”

“I need to poop!”

“That’s tight!”

(from the kid that just yelled he needed to poop) “Dang it!!  That’s a lot!”

“You need to turn on the fan!”


“You can’t come in here.”

“That’s mine!”

“Do you have a license to carry that thing?”

“Hey! Look at this!!”

“Thanks a lot.” (more sarcasm)

“Because I don’t like you.”

And instantly…..there was total silence.


3 Responses to “No Blood + No Broken Bones = No Problem!”

  1. Dad Says:

    Heidi, that was funny. Really, you have way to much patience to just sit there. Remember when Tommy Ebel was playing on our roof. Maybe one of his kids moved to Okinawa.


  2. ChaoticMom Says:

    This sounds very like life in my home, sigh…

    That said, I’m working on a project collecting essays from Army spouses. You have a wonderful writing style, and I would love for you to consider contributing an essay! For more info:, or check out the FB page: Military Spouse Books.


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