So there I was….showing Tyler how to friend me in the Smurfs game on his iPad. It was serious business. This kid is just as competitive as I am…even when it comes to the Smurfs.
Tyler had just finished coloring the parachute on one of his Army toys with a big nuke symbol (makes a momma proud) and was waiting for the marker to dry. I figured this was as good of a time as any. While we talked across the room Trey and Trygg decided it was their turn to color parachutes. Trygg headed over to the bar and Trey the coffee table. I foresaw trouble here so I made sure Trey had something under his parachute that could handle the marker….Bruce’s dry erase board was perfect. 🙂
Things seemed so peaceful for a moment because no one was shouting or screaming or fighting. I could almost hear birds chirping and angels singing….almost. That’s when I noticed Trey and Trygg spinning in circles with sharpies in their hands.
“Knock it off boys.” I said. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you trip and fall.” They put a momentary hold on the spinning fun and went back to what they were doing. I excused myself from the scene to go survey the damage down the hallway – they had just showered and that never meant a pleasant scene in the bathroom.
As I am calling for Tyler to come clean the mountain of toothpaste squirted onto the floor in front of the toilet the other two numbskulls were starting to fight.
“Stop fighting!” I shouted down the hall. No response…not even from Tyler, the last one to use the bathroom.
Into the family room I stroll. Trey and Trygg aren’t spinning anymore, that’s a surprise. Tyler is engrossed in the game on his iPad and totally unaware of the nonsense unfolding before him. They had stopped spinning, just like I asked. Instead, they were holding the markers and flicking them at each other like they were magic wands. Really boys? Really??? In grandiose mom fashion I stopped all the fun. 🙂
“Pick up boys it’s time for bed. We have church in the morning.” I said. Shockingly; and I do mean shockingly, they did it. Birds were starting to chirp again….so close to achieving peace and balance in the universe I could almost taste it.
I get the kids in bed, they pray, lights go off, I clean the cat litter, and the filter on the dehumidifier. While I’m kneeling on the ground vacuuming the filter I notice the carpet, our light tan or sand colored carpet, has black speckles on it. “That’s odd.” I thought. I scratched at one to see if it was a bunch of black fuzz or dirt or whatever – but it didn’t budge. “Hmmmmm…..now what could that be?” I thought to myself. Well, what better way to find out than to vacuum it up.
Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum….nothing. Well, since I’m vacuuming I might as well do the whole room right? In my valiant effort to do the entire room I notice an odd pattern. So here is my initial thought…”when did the carpet become polka-dotted and/or do we have a serious mold problem all of a sudden?” I was highly irritated..if this carpet is ruined we have to pay to replace it when we leave here….and it’s not even nice carpet!! Then I see black dots on the wall by the bar, and on the bar! “Bloody hell!!!” I said (for real, I said it out loud). Not only are my floors speckled, but now the walls by the bar and kitchen are too. It’s like the house sprung a bad case of the chicken pox. And my walls are lighter than the carpet…..Crap!!! The bar has it too…and the bar stools. The cream colored leather bar stools.
First reaction: “TYLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He bounces down the hallway and leaps around the corner (clearly thrilled to be out of bed at nearly midnight) and says “what mommy.” He only says that when he’s trying to be cute. Or annoying, I haven’t figured it out just yet. Regardless, I said to him “Did a sharpie explode in here today?” Still in disbelief over the amount of speckles in this room and their placement.
“No.” he said, “why?” That was quite a bit more apprehensive than the fist part of his sentence. “Go ask Trey.” I said. While he bounced down the hall I decided to look a little more closely at the living and dining room. “Oh dear Lord!” I thought. “Oh God.” I said. “Sh*t!” I muttered several times….
Tyler came back and said “Trey said no. I was going to ask Trygg but he was asleep.” I figured as much…and my finger of blame was pointing straight at Trygg. Dang artist has got to stop expressing himself so freely. The sharpied hands and legs I sent him to bed with were self-expression enough, in my opinion.
“Hey Tyler, grab some wipes and attempt to scrub that off the wall over there.” I said in a somewhat freaked out tone. Had I actually noticed the sharpie on the couch, love seat, sofa table, coffee table, kitchen table, entertainment center, TV, kitchen table chairs, my amazing hot pink knit wrap, my canvas tote bag, the cat carrier, the laptop, and the curtains I may have sounded a bit more freaked out.
Now I am freaked out. Can’t run out and buy cleaning supplies for a job of this magnitude because it is after midnight and things are closed. And it is now Sunday. I let Tyler scrub for about five minutes when he informs me that he thinks he’s scrubbed the paint off the wall. Really?! “Stop with the wall and try the stool then.” I said, sounding annoyed. Who scrubs until the paint comes off?? Major props for trying though – I would have given up long before removing paint. Scrubbing the stool was futile. All that did was spread the ink into a bigger, more unsightly mess. I sent him to bed.
What can I do….not a darn thing. Carpet is so speckled there is no way I can clean it spot by spot. It needs a total shampoo with a sharpie removing cleaner. Of which I don’t own. I think I know what we’ll be doing tomorrow after church. And I was so looking forward to going to the beach.
Best part: I got a two-fer. Somehow they managed to land a big old splat right smack dab in the center of a lovely kitty creation. Cat puke I know comes out of the carpet. Hopefully the sharpie didn’t penetrate the acidic fur-lined slime Rosco left for me.
I’m getting sick and tired of self-expression through art. Find a new hobby boys (you too Rosco).
PS: Bruce, you’ll need to buy a new board when you get back.