Hold on to your hats people because we are back in business! So we never actually went out of business because this isn’t really a business for me to begin with. Which means, technically speaking, my whole premise for this blog is already so far off base I might as well toss it out the window. But I can’t do that because as many of you know I am now living in Minnesnowta. To open a window at this hour, during this time of year would be absolutely ludicrous and asinine. Make no mistake about it – I HATE being cold. It is currently a blazing hot 31 degrees outside. Not a chance in America (same difference as hell nowadays) I’m opening a window to toss my in progress but already obsolete blog post out the window. In fact, typing about nonsense such as this is probably working to help heat the muscles in my hands, which will directly, albeit slowly, heat me up so I am not sitting here hunched over and shivering for too much longer. So that last part is all buffoonery and it’ll never actually happen. I should just concede to the fact that the only time I’ll be truly warm is when I am burning through the hot water in my hot water heater and during my hot vinyasa yoga sessions. Anywho….I know you are dying to know what we’ve been up to over the last several months. 😉
Here it all is in a few amazingly awesome run on sentences. You are welcome and I dare you to read through it as fast as you can because I promise you, that is EXACTLY how I typed it.
We got our orders to leave Japan and head back to the United States sometime during the what I thought at the time were cold winter months in Okinawa, but turned out to actually be quite warm as compared to what I am experiencing right now months; from there we booked our shipments and sold our Japanese vehicles; we bid farewell to a ton of amazing friends; I ran in a half marathon (imagine that) and broke my toe on the same day; I was folding laundry at the coffee table and Bruce was watching a movie on his laptop while Tyler was showering and the other two were fighting; I asked him to go in there and tell them to stop before someone broke something; he didn’t budge; out of frustration and pure unadulterated annoyance I stopped folding clothes and went to do it myself; damn wall leaped out in front of me; I am pretty sure what happened next has scarred my children forever but I have no recollection of what I said; Tyler did tell me (remember he was in the shower) that I could have beat Jesse James and Senior from OCC in a most curse words used in a single sentence contest; hmmm…..what did I scream?!?! Anyway, Bruce got up, kids calmed down, I finished folding the laundry; next day got a xray, split my pinky toe in half (who does that?!?!?), I was pissed off and now multi colored too – awesome photos of that somewhere on my facebook page, ate my words of “if you don’t go in there someone is going to break something” – continued to coach the most amazing group of women you will ever meet – the US Army Ladies Dragon Boat Team; we ROCKED that boat like nothing else and although we didn’t win we were more than victorious; we beat our time from the year prior by A LOT and came in SECOND place for women in the services; we almost beat the Navy women too….in a boat race – BOOYA! We packed, we partied, we packed some more, we partied some more too because that’s what we are good at, then we moved out of our house and into a hotel, but somewhere in there I took a pottery class and did a lot of laying around at the beach because I couldn’t run since my toe was broken, also had to buy my first pair of closed toe shoes to protect the darn little piggy, I love Japanese shoes so shopping for those was not a problem in my book; got on a plane and left Japan; hardest move ever for me because I loved it there so much, so did the kids; stopped in Hawaii for ten days…that was an acceptable sadness mending place to stop, 🙂 oh how I love Hawaii, I swear I am really a native island girl who was mistakenly swapped at birth with some poor Eskimo kid from Minnesota; somewhere on a beach is a child being forced to endure the hardships of surfing and paddle boarding while I am here being forced to endure her hopes and dream and her destiny (queue sad violin music that tears at your heart strings…reach for the kleenex)…..ok back to reality – while in Hawaii we surfed, body boarded, paddle boarded, hiked, went running, hunted wild boar, ate with Micky and Goofy, shopped, swam, napped, swam with turtles, saw dolphins, went diving, snorkeling, and played in the pool, drank mai tai’s (I am sure there is more); then we picked Rosco up from the quarantine at the Honolulu Airport and boarded a flight back to the mainland on our way to Minnesota; we flew to San Francisco then to Washington Dulles (DC), then to Minneapolis via Honolulu, Tokyo, and Okinawa…as you can see, the Army is all about cheap flights which translates to many layovers and crazy flight paths; we moved into my moms and immediately started looking for places to rent; Bruce and Tyler flew to Saint Louis to pick up my car as the Army delivered it there upon release of it from military storage; then they drove back to Minnesota, we spent a few days at the cabin with his family, went to a few Twins games; Bruce was the flag raiser at one of them, saw fireworks, paid a small fortune to have my car thoroughly examined since it was in storage for the last two years, went to Iowa, found a place to rent, bought a few guns and ammo, bought some wine, bought more guns and ammo, used the guns, ammo and wine, got our crap delivered, unpacked, moved in, set up shop, had a party, drank some wine, Bruce deployed, went to Valleyfair, drank a lot of wine, kids started school, had a mom party for this mom party of one, kids started soccer and hockey, my car never cools off between trips, had another party, ran a half marathon, ran a 5K, ran another 5K, ran another 5K, ran another half marathon, saw a lot of family, ran another 5K, flew to Colorado, ran another 5K, bought wine, went to a vineyard, bought wine, went to a Vikings game, went to another vineyard, bought wine, went to conferences, did yard work, yard work, and more yard work, got the dog groomed, nearly went insane, washed my car, it rained, washed it again, it rained again, quit washing it, it quit raining, washed it again….it rained, joined a bowling league with my 82-year-old grandmother, she’s better than me, ran some more, joined a gym, had another party, thought Rosco was going to die after a horrible fall, he’s a survivor, he’s gonna make it, he’s not gonna give up, not gonna quit (darn it, how did that song jump into your head?), didn’t have a working heater, didn’t have a working hot water heater at the same time, had to drive to my moms so the kids could shower, showed up at dinner time (I’m good like that), ate dinner, showered the kids, got the heat fixed, fixed the hot water heater and nearly singed off Tyler’s eyebrows, turned the water heater way up so I’d be able to take hot showers long enough to thaw out, Bruce made a secret trip back while stateside on a trip with work, had another party, Bruce surprised everyone, all the kids had a birthday, celebrated Halloween, went broke paying for hockey and it’s only half paid, and I drank a lot of wine. These are not necessarily in the correct order and I am quite certain I left a really large amount of fun-filled Bredlow awesomeness out; however, I don’t really care since I could make it all up anyway and no one would be the wiser. So what does the future hold? No idea. I am going to have another party though. That much is certain. Sorry 21 and unders…you are not invited.
I have more to blog about, a lot more, but will save it for a post where I intend to actually practice my good quality English language skills. No bother wasting perfectly good writing on a post like this. 🙂 Instead I will leave you with this one last thought:
Why did the wicked witch have ruby red shoes? Every witch knows it is hard as heck to land your broomstick on the grass in heels without sinking into the lawn and aerating it. I don’t want to help you with your yard work people. I just want to wear amazing shoes and enjoy my stylish ride. Is that too much to ask for?