Many have inquired into my butter making endeavors; thus rendering a blog about the process more than necessary. The recipe I follow is one that I received from a sister in Christ, although she didn’t say Jesus spoke the words to her in a vision, after tasting the creamy goodness one would think He may have. I may have altered her directions greatly…
To begin, you need to gather the following ingredients:
Heavy Whipping Cream
A jar that can withstand the constant forces of your thrusting without spewing a single drop of buttery goodness across the room.
Any youth that needs to burn off excess energy. Finding one as cute as mine is nearly impossible, so by all means, settle for almost good enough.
Here is what I used in the creation of this blog:
One you’ve gathered your sub par energetic youth and the other ingredients read on for the fine details.
Fill your jar about this full (yes I bake with these exact measurements too) and then screw the lid on tightly. Remember, the point is to shake the crap out of this without redecorating your walls with cream.
Once you’ve done this you are ready for some serious shaking action. Pick the jar up, put on a sweat band or two and get to it. Pretend it’s a shake weight. If you’re going to spend the next 15 minutes or so shaking the shit out of this, then you might as well make it a workout (or, sit back and gleefully watch your energetic youth struggle to perform).
If this is your first butter shaking adventure, you are in luck! I have included rare video images of the process. I actually had to pay to upgrade my blog so I could include videos, totally worth it. This first one highlights what it looks like when you break the news to your now slightly less energetic youth, as to how much longer they must shake.
After all that shaking your energetic youth is bound to get tired. Do not let them fool you, they have PLENTY of energy on reserve. It is your goal to tap into all of that.
Not only is this better for you than the mostly vegetable oil spreads in the stores, but it is a great upper body workout.
When your shaker looks like the picture below, you should be getting close.
When it is harder to shake the liquid in the jar and it sounds a little more “thick,” go ahead and open it up. Add whatever quantity of salt you so desire.
Now that the final stages are within reach, it is a nice touch to change things up a bit for your less than energetic youth. To hold their interest long enough to cross the finish line into buttery goodness, you need to get creative.
Who doesn’t love a little Gangnam Style?
And lastly, since we are shaking…..
When your liquid changes to a solid yellow turd sitting amongst a cream-colored bath, you are finished! It should look something like this:
Lastly, transfer it into a container.
And that is how you make butter. I assume you know how to toast your own bread…..